FATIGUED

Right now, I'm just hurt. 

I hate speaking about feelings to people. They'll tell me ''everything's gonna be alright'' but no, things just get worse. I don't need pain for now, I don't want to feel anything anymore. I'm fatigued of being there for people but all they do is disappoint me. I want to feel numb again. I miss waking up in the morning,having my morning coffee and worry about nothing but at this point, so much to think about. I'm tired, very very tired. Oh God, whatever test you are giving me now, I hope it's worth to think about.

Take me away oh my imaginary friend from this cruel world, cruel people.

Take me far far away and keep me safe

What I've Learned

I've been walked on, used and forgotten and i don't regret one moment of it, because in those moments I've learned a lot. I've learned who i can trust and can't. I've learned the meaning of friendship. I've learned how to tell when people are lying and when they're sincere. I've learned how to be myself, and appreciate  the truly great people in my life as they arrive.

Friendship

A friend is someone who will catch you when you fall, dry your tears and tell you it will be all right, pretend to be happy just to cheer you up, never leave you by yourself, attempt to talk to you at least once a day no matter what, make you laugh when you're sad, call back if you hang up on them, make everything you two do together into something fun no matter how boring it is, always remind you of your inside jokes, finish your sentences, think the same way you do, follow you wherever you go, stop you from doing something stupid or hurting yourself, and they're always willing to give up something that means a lot to them because they can be sure you'll always be there in return, and because to them you'll always mean more than you can imagine.

Best Feelings In The World

-Sleeping in late
-Having no homework
-Being like/loved back
-First swim of the summer
-A smile from that special someone
-When people laugh at your jokes
-Hugs that last more than a minute
-When someone tells you that you smell good
-When he texts you first
-Looking at pictures from when you were little
-Being called beautiful
-When someone tells you they never want to lose you
-Finding those jeans that fit perfectly
-Making a stranger smile
-Listening to your favorite song
-Receiving hand-written letters
-Putting on sweatpants after wearing jeans all day
-Winning an argument
-Packing for a vacation
-Knowing you will be okay

I WISH

Sometimes I wish I were a guy. I wouldn't have to pluck my eyebrows or shave my legs. I wouldn't have to have period pains. I could have my own 'mafia brotherhood gang'. My bros' would back me up when I'm in trouble. I can joke around with them without having to worry I would offend them. My bros' wouldn't overreact over small things and I don't have to be so cautious. Nobody could ever call me a bitch. And I wouldn't have to spend so much money on beauty products. All I have to worry about is what I'm having for lunch later and what car I would be driving after school. Life would be simple.

ISOLATION

Bring me to escape, in a town far from here. Where yellow coloured lights bind the streets. Where people roam free with sweet sensing smiles on their faces, because there isn't a thing to worry about. Bring me to escape, to a place of liberation. Where it wouldn't matter what clothes you wear, what sort of music you listen to, how you look, how you speak and how you act. Bring me to escape, in a place where evening time is the best time of the day. When the moon rises and the sun sets. Where thick warm coats are an essential. Where bright lights shine from the restaurants across the street, welcoming us with lovely aromas of noodles and dumplings. Bring me to escape, to where we wouldn't have to rush because we could make time. A time for living. Time for working and time for loving. Bring me to escape, where no one knows me, and I know no one.

Zens Supermodel Search 2012

On 12/07/2012 I'm entering a Zens supermodel Search 2012. Yes! As a contestant, I'm very nervous. I have to fill up a form that full of questions. One of it was "describe yourself" and I answer " I love to be in front of the cameras, being surrounded by all fashions. I love to show my talent by entering every of audition/competition because that's how I show myself.." and I think that was my best answer so far. The director and the photographer are so friendly which make me so comfortable being around them. And yes! I am the youngest model (again) Before the result cme out, I knw I didnt make it to the next round. Because, for a supermodel all it need is 170 cm height. And yup I was right I am not selected. Oh well, at least I did my best. I just want take an experience. But that was a bad news. The good news is, they said they will call me if there is any job that suitable for me such as model commercial etc.. I'm so happy for that. I just need to wait what happen next. Because for me, there is no "give up" words. I don't care what ppl gonna say about me. Yes, I've been through lots of tough way. But it makes me more stronger to facing whats gonna happen next and I will never giving up. Because this is my passion, this is what I want since I was a kid. And I'm not gonna let it down just because your "friend" talk shit about you. I mean who cares? This is your life not them. You're the one that should make a decision not them.